Horrible trigger night… all I want to do is drink until I pass out.

I haven’t smoked in a while, so finally after taking a few res hits, in a desperate attempt to feel something, I’m actually pretty damn buzzed. After smoking my cigarette, it only made the buzz even better. I just sang a song to God about how thankful I am that he created our plants. Amen.

Made a stupid impulse buy of diet pills… and I was doing so well. What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t even have the money for that right now….

Fat. You don’t understand. My eyes are different from yours. My eyes speak truth. They see the real me; the nastiness I am made of. They see the fat clinging to every limb, from every angle, bouncing with every move. Fat fat fat. It’s there. I see it, I feel it, I know it.